Stuck on Saturday

I've had a post running through my head the last two days but it was always at the most inconvenient time, which is how it always seems to work.  I find the words when I can't stop and give them the time they deserve and when I finally get the chance to let them spill out, they escape me.


However, I just sat staring at the most gut-wrenching photo I have ever seen.  It has been reported and removed from Facebook multiple times, so it may be gone by the time you click the link.  It is disturbing, but it is reality.  It is a picture of some of the147 Kenyans that were killed during a terrorist attack at Garrisa University College, an attack by Islamic Terrorist Group Al-Shabab.  An attack that specifically targeted Christians.  


I looked at every single person that lost their life and just started weeping.  The world is a scary, sinful, dark place and my heart hurts.  As I was reflecting on the darkness, I remembered that because of the extravagant love of Jesus, darkness and death do not prevail, they have already been overcome.  This pain, this darkness, this death, it is not final.


I was reading through a letter by Uhuru Kenyatta, the current president of Kenya, as he addressed the country after the massacre, he too, reminded me of this.

In the next few days, as funerals are held across the length and breadth of Kenya, we will be filled with anguish and great anger. During this holy period of Easter, the families and communities of the fallen should take solace in recalling that after the evil of the cross on Friday, and when the Devil thought he had triumphed, Sunday’s hope arrived. As we remember those that fell at Garissa, we recognise that the resurrection of Jesus demonstrates that the power of hatred and violence will never prevail. We shall prevail.

We shall prevail, we already know the ending, we know that death was defeated, but right now, right now feels a lot like I imagine Saturday felt for the disciples.  It feels dark.  It feels defeating.  It feels hopeless at times.  But without Saturday, we can't appreciate the miracle that Sunday brings.


This year, more than any other year, I have learned to appreciate the fact that you can't have resurrection and new life without death.  I have experienced first hand just how much life you can have if you allow yourself to release the grip you have on your life.


I read a blog post called Resurrection Remix by Ty Gibson and I loved so much of what he said but found this paragraph particularly beautiful:

As the Savior hung tortured in body and soul upon the cross, despised by men and apparently forsaken by God, utterly alone in the deep darkness of our shame, love and selfishness stood face to face in raging combat. In Christ, the law of sin and death measured strength against the law of life, and life, by love, gained the victory. In the final, expiring breath of Jesus, Calvary placed on record for all eternity the indisputable fact that God is infinitely selfless. All intelligent worship and all true loyalty are forever His by virtue of the cross. And all rebellion against such a God as this is manifestly unjustifiable.

 

 Each and every day in our lives, love and selfishness stand face to face, raging a ware within every single one of us.  Unfortunately for me, selfishness tends to win time and time again.  Appropriately, one of my favorite albums is titled The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me.  The album is by Brand New, and although they aren't a Christian band, many of their lyrics are Biblically influenced.  The best song on the album is called Jesus Christ and it is what I believe to be an extremely honest prayer by the songwriter (Jesse Lacey) as he acknowledges his sinful and broken nature.  The last half of the song goes as follows:

I know you're coming in the night like a thief
But I've had some time alone to hone my lying technique
I know you think that I'm someone you can trust
But I'm scared I'll get scared and I swear I'll try to nail you back up (everyone now)

So do you think that we could work out a sign
So I'll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try

I know you're coming for the people like me
We all got wood and nails
And tongue-tied at hate factories
We all got wood and nails
And tongue-tied at hate factories
We all got wood and nails
And we sleep inside of this machine

When I'm having a particularly rough day, I just like to crank this in my car and the world seems a little bit better. I like it when people are honest about their struggles, which is why I've always loved Paul, who penned this in his letter to Timothy.

I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service, though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent.  But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.  The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost.  But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life.  to the King of the ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.  (1 Timothy 1:12-17, ESV)

Paul's transformation is always such an amazing story that no one is too far gone to receive the redeeming love and transformation that can only come through Jesus.  His love is extravagant.  His love is unending.  His love is scandalous.  His love is for you. 

So no matter how long you feel stuck in Saturday, always remember that Sunday will come.  

And Jesus cried out and said, “Whoever believes in me, believes not in me but in him who sent me.  And whoever sees me sees him who sent me.  I have come into the world as light, so that whoever believes in me may not remain in darkness.  If anyone hears my words and does not keep them, I do not judge him; for I did not come to judge the world but to save the world.  The one who rejects me and does not receive my words has a judge; the word that I have spoken will judge him on the last day.  For I have not spoken on my own authority, but the Father who sent me has himself given me a commandment—what to say and what to speak.  And I know that his commandment is eternal life. What I say, therefore, I say as the Father has told me.” (John 12:44-50, ESV)

Continue Reading...

A Sunrise Through the Rear View Mirror

Friday morning I was on my way to work, heading west, away from the rising sun.  As I pulled onto the highway and went up a slight hill, I glanced behind me to change lanes and saw one of the most beautiful sunrises I'd seen in quite a while.  There was a mix of puffy and whispy, almost steamy, clouds atop a backdrop of the most aqua looking sky.  The sun was reflecting the most beautiful coral and purple colors off of the clouds.  It was perfection.

It was far more beautiful than this

I was sad that I had to keep driving and couldn't keep glancing back just to take it all in.  I considered exiting and finding somewhere to just absorb it, but I was in a hurry, as I always am.  Glancing over my shoulder frequently wasn't an option because the traffic speeds change rapidly and I would surely end up rear ending someone.  Instead, I tried to view it from my rear view mirror.  While I could still see some of the colors, they were no where near as vibrant as they appeared when I was actually looking at the sunrise full on. 


As I was realizing how disappointing it was to view something so beautiful through a mirror, I heard that familiar small voice say to me "that is why you shouldn't trust your mirror, your beauty isn't visible through a mirror, I see you more clearly than you do, believe who I say you are."

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,  not a result of works, so that no one may boast.  For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:8-10, ESV

Needless to say, I ended up in a big bucket of tears on my way to work. 


I am and have always been my worst enemy and critic.  Instead of seeing my own beauty, internal and external, I constantly replay all of the ugliness.  I so rarely believe that I am loved and have unsurpassable worth simply because God loves me and created me to be who I am. 


I starting thinking more about the sunrise, and about how during a sunrise, something like clouds, which I normally am not a fan of, become a thing of beauty.  Without a few clouds, a sunrise isn't nearly as beautiful.  God constantly uses things that aren't normally considered wonderful or beautiful to show his goodness and love. 


Since I'm really struggling to make God more important than food in my life, I often feel like I'm not worthy of being loved, like I'm not deserving of good things.  God has been working really hard to show me just how wrong that is.


Sunday at church, Greg Boyd delivered a phenomenal message called Party Crasher that I wish everyone would listen to.  We've been in a series called Women on the Outside, and each week a different woman has been highlighted.  Today, he spoke about the woman from Luke 7 who washed Jesus feet with her tears and hair. 


This woman knew who she was and the Pharisees freely reminded her.  For a woman, any woman, let alone a prostitute, to enter this setting took an extreme amount of faith and love.  She faced being stoned to death, but instead, Jesus tells her that her sins are forgiven and that her faith has saved her.  He loved her just as she was.  No judgement, no condemnation, just love.


I frequently need to reminded that God loves me just as I am.  He chose me and died for me even though he knew all of my shortcomings, and maybe even because of them. 


Today I want to remind every one of you that God loves you, just as you are.  You can't do anything to make him love you any more or any less.  You can try all you want to be good or do better, but at the end of the day, all He wants is your heart.  He wants your love.  He wants your attention.  He wants YOU.  You with all of your imperfections, all of your brokenness, all of your pride.  He simply wants you, and He won't stop until you know it. 

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers,  nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 8:38-39, ESV

Continue Reading...

Rethinking Christmas Giving

I've started this post a million times and deleted it because I'm afraid of all the ways it could be misinterpreted, but I just can't stop the words from running through my head, so I think that accounts for something.

So please understand my heart behind this post.  It isn't to judge, condemn or call anyone out, I'm simply offering another option.  I'm not claiming to have it all figured out, I just want to give you some things to think about.

As we head into Christmas, I noticed that the really awesome chest pains I was having last year at this time started to come back.  I know that they are anxiety related, and I thought that they were related to a particularly stressful and emotionally taxing situation I was going through last year, but that doesn't seem to be the case.  They have returned with a vengeance and I have been bound and determined to find the root of the anxiety that causes them.  The minute I walked into Target on Monday they started.  I started thinking about Christmas, and all the gifts, and all the stuff and instantly, my heart started to hurt.

When I pinpointed it, I got angry.  Angry that a beautiful time of year has become so commercialized, that so much focus is on stuff.  Then I got sick.  I watched cart after cart go buy, filled to the brim with stuff….stuff that people probably don't even really need.

I know that some people love to give and receive gifts, I think that is great.  I have received some great gifts in my lifetime.  I don't think that giving gifts is in and of itself bad, but I think the need to give gifts that don't have a lot of thought behind them just for the sake of giving gifts or getting more stuff, is sickening.  If you have to ask other people what they are getting their kiddos for Christmas to get more ideas for your kids, then you probably don't need to get them anything at all.  If you can't think of anything to get someone else, then maybe a material gift isn't the answer. 

Buying gifts gives me horrible anxiety and I finally realized it this year.  It isn't because I don't like to be generous, I love to give things to people.  It is because with the time and money I have, I can rarely find a gift that would ever convey how much the people I want to buy gifts for mean to me.  I can spend hours looking for the perfect thing and never find it, and I hate just picking any old thing because it feels so disingenuous….and that makes me sad.

I started thinking about all the gifts that kids will likely get this year and I started to think about how detrimental this could be in the long run.  Don't we spend so much of our life trying to learn and understand that material things don't make us happy?  Why then, do we lavish our kiddos with gifts at Christmas time?  Isn't the point of Christmas to celebrate the birth of Jesus and how much he loved us by sharing that love with each other?  Then why wouldn't we want to help our kids learn early that material things can't make you happy and limit the gifts they are given and instead focus on giving? 

When I think about giving, I think about Luke 14:12-14

He said also to the man who had invited him,  “When you give  a dinner or a banquet, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors,  lest they also invite you in return and you be repaid.    But when you give a feast,  invite  the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind,    and you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you. For you will be repaid  at  the resurrection of the just.

I'll be honest, I'm far more compelled to give gifts to people I don't know than people I know because I don't want to be repaid.  I don't know why that is, but it is.  I love knowing that my gift will make a difference because it is needed, not just more stuff. 

Since I read 7: AnExperimental Mutiny Against Excess by Jen Hatmaker, my mind processes everything so differently.  I can't look at "stuff" without thinking about how much it costs and how inconsequential it is.  So when I think about Christmas gifts, that is where my head goes.

With Black Friday and the biggest shopping season around the corner, I'd like you to consider something.  Are the gifts your buying simply allowing you to check something off of your list?  Is it something that is actually going to make a difference in someone else's life?  Is it something that will end up in a landfill in a few years?  I think if you stop and ask these questions, you'll likely find yourself wondering why you are buying it in the first place.

If that is the case, I'd like to offer you an alternative, actually, multiple alternatives to the typical Christmas gift; giving to people who are in NEED in someone else's name as a gift to them.

There are SO MANY great organizations that allow you to do this, here are just a few of them:

World Vision Gift Catalog - This allows you to purchase a variety of things for people in need: animals, clean water, shelter, education, medical care, etc.  Gifts range from $10 to +$150 and there are a variety of options, surely you can find something that special someone would be passionate about.  For example, you can buy a rabbit for an impoverished family for $19, and the good thing about rabbits, they multiply quickly!  There are SO MANY wonderful gifts you can purchase for people who's lives will be changed.  We all know I'm pretty passionate about World Vision, so I think this is a great choice.

Compassion International - They also have a gift catalog with very similar options.  

 

If not having something to give makes you uncomfortable, no worries!  There are other options that allow you to give while still making a difference.

Trades of Hope - They sell beautiful jewelry, scarves and home goods handcrafted by women across the world.  They empower women to create sustainable businesses worldwide so that they can rise out of poverty.  If you are interested in this, please let me know, I have a couple of friends who can hook you up!

Noonday - Similar to Trades of Hope, they sell jewelry and accessories made by women across the world helping them run businesses and change their lives.

Looking for something in your community?

Angel Tree - A ministry of Prison Fellowship, they provide opportunities for you to purchase gifts for children who's parent is incarcerated.  I love this opportunity because you get the kiddos name and they write down a gift idea. 

 Toys for Tots - Lead by the Marines, they collect unwrapped toys at a variety of locations to distribute to kiddos in the community.  

I could go on and on.  The point is that there are so many opportunities to change a life this Christmas rather than giving a gift that will likely be under appreciated.  You have the power to change lives, why not do it?

So instead of heading out on Thanksgiving evening or early Black Friday, why not do things differently this year and spend some time with your family and spread Christ's love to those who could really use it. 

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Continue Reading...

8 Reasons You Should Run a Marathon with Team World Vision

It is no secret for many of you readers that running a marathon was a significant goal for me this year.  It wasn't anything I had ever planned on doing and it wasn't something I ever thought would be possible for me to do, but God had other plans.  I completed my first marathon with Team World Vision on October 5th, and now I want to invite you to do the same.  Here are some reasons that I think you should run a marathon, specifically the Twin Cities Marathon, with Team World Vision.

You probably think you can't

I can't think of a better reason to set a huge goal for yourself.  I've always been motivated to prove myself and others wrong.  I enjoy pushing myself to do things that I never thought were possible once I can get over the voice in my head telling me that I can't.  I like to show that voice that it doesn't know what it is talking about, and I think deep down, we all do.  If  you are in relatively good health, I think you have what it takes to run a marathon, you just don't think you do.  Why not prove that little voice in your head wrong?

You will meet some amazing people

It is no secret that I love the community of runners in general, the love I have for my fellow Team World Vision runners is even greater.  You will meet other people running on this team that you wouldn't have met otherwise, and you will push each other towards greatness.  Training for a marathon is hard, but you don't have to do it alone.  I can't tell you how much running with my teammates pushed me to run harder, faster and longer than I would have run if I were training on my own.  You'll be inspired by other people who have jumped in an decided to run a marathon.  People who also though they couldn’t do it, but were willing to give it a shot.  You'll laugh together, cry together, rejoice together and pray together.  You'll be excited for every single one of your teammates that crosses that finish line, it is the thrill of finishing a marathon multiplied…and trust me, that is a great feeling to multiply.

You will grow in ways you probably didn't even know you needed to grow

I'm going to be honest with you and say that training for a marathon was the hardest and best thing I've ever done.  I was pushed so far out of my comfort zone.  I really didn't think I had what it took to finish a marathon.  I had nothing to trust in other than God's goodness and perfect plan for my life.  I trusted that this was something he wanted me to do, and I had to constantly remind myself of that.  What I realize now is that I am the best version of myself when I'm forced to lean on God.  I loved the person I became during the last month of training.  I found weaknesses in my life and in my running that needed to be strengthened.  I learned that pride was a big blind spot in my life and I needed to swallow it to become a better runner, and I did.  I learned that I needed to rely more on others to cover me in prayer and offer encouragement as opposed to always going at it alone.  All of the things I learned helped me grow.  I watched others grow right along with me.  It is a beautiful thing to witness growth in others that you love.

You will be encouraged by complete strangers 

I'm a bit cynical, I don't always believe that people want others to succeed in our "me, me, me" culture, but running the marathon changed that.  I was overwhelmed by the massive amounts of spectators cheering along the course.  I heard people tell me they were proud of me as I ran, people I'd never met before and would likely never see again, it was unreal.  You don't know how much random people cheering for you means until you are 25 miles into a race feeling like garbage and a "You go girl, you've got this" from a St. Paul Police Officer gives you the confidence to finish.  People are beautiful, and they want you to succeed when you push yourself to do something great.

You will change the lives of beautiful people in Africa

Perhaps one of the greatest things about running with Team World Vision is that you get to be an advocate for people who have far less than we do.  You get to tell the world that there are people, just like me and you, who are doing their very best to survive without the basic necessity of clean water.  Without clean water, everything else in life becomes nearly impossible, but you get to speak boldly about this injustice because you're taking strides, literally, to put an end to it.  You get to ask anyone and everyone you know if they'd be willing to join you in the fight.  You get to witness people who you didn't think would be willing to give, give and give generously.  You get to see people's eyes opened.  You get to rejoice every time one more person gets access to clean water.  You get to change lives simply by putting yourself through some temporary discomfort. 

You will see God move

Our team had a constant prayer last year, that God would make it evident that He was at work in us.  He answered that prayer so many times during the course of the season and every time, I was reminded just how much he loves us when I was at a point in my life where I desperately frequent reminders of that love.  When you pray boldly, you get to see God do things you never thought were possible, and that is pretty darn exciting. 

You will experience emotions you didn't know you had

The minute I realized that I was going to cross the finish line, I was flooded with a mix of emotions.  I still don't have words to describe some of them, but here are a few: joy, pride, gratitude, exhaustion, elation - you will want to burst.  

No one can ever take the title of "Marathoner" away from you

Once you cross that finish line, you are a marathoner, and you always will be.  On difficult days, you can remind  yourself of what you once did and look back and smile.   On hard training runs afterwards, you can remind yourself that you once moved your body for 26.2 miles, you can push through 4. 

There is a lot more that  I could say, but the main thing is this, running a marathon with Team World Vision changed my life and may be the greatest thing I'll ever do.  I want everyone to experience the love, joy and growth that I experienced and I'd feel horrible if I didn’t tell you about it and invite you to do the same.

If you are thinking about it, but have questions, please let me know, I'd love to answer any.  If you want to run, but are afraid of being to slow or not knowing what to do, I'd love to help!  In fact, I might even be able to talk my husband into letting me run again next year if I were doing so with the sole intent of helping someone else finish.  

Continue Reading...

Journey

Last night I attended Q Commons.  There was an overwhelming amount of thoughts, ideas and reflections shared in a span of two hours.  While I had a lot of thoughts and feelings swirling around in my head, I left with one word in the forefront: journey.

I feel like this word has been particularly significant in my own life lately as I start to recognize, and have the courage to act on, promptings from the Holy Spirit.  I think most of us have a tendency to run our own lives.  We don't stop long enough to listen for the Holy Spirit, or even on the off chance that we might stop to listen, we aren't all that sure that we actually sure we want to go on the journey we're being invited on and we decline the invitation.

Every prompting from the Holy Spirit is like another voice command from your GPS, inviting you to come along, to experience life to the fullest.

I have a coffee mug at work that I purchased about 10 years ago at a Christian women's conference.  On one side, it says Journey, on the other is Jeremiah 29:11

  

This verse has become some what of a battle cry in the evangelical world.  We find it comforting when life gets uncertain and we're not quite sure where to go next.  We find hope when it feels like things are spinning out of control.  I think all of these things are good, but they completely miss the contextual meaning of the verse.

As I was thinking about this on my drive home last night, I was eager to open up my Bible and dig into what was going on before and after this verse.  It is very clear immediately, who these words were meant for.

These are the words of the letter that Jeremiah the prophet sent from Jerusalem to the surviving elders of the exiles, and to the priests, the prophets, and all the people, whom Nebuchadnezzar had taken into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon. (Jeremiah 29:11, ESV)

Jeremiah, a prophet, was delivering words that God had given them to people who had been sent to a foreign land.  God was giving them plans for their life in this place of exile, where they would be for a while.

For thus says the  Lord : When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will visit you, and I will fulfill to you my promise and bring you back to this place. (vs 10)

The people that these words were meant for were living in an foreign land, Jews among gentiles.  What I found in verse seven was particularly interesting

But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the  Lord  on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare. (vs 7)

Interesting.  This same word, welfare, is used instead of prosper in the ESV translation of Jeremiah 29:11.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the  Lord , plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.  You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you, declares the  Lord , and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the  Lord , and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile. (vs 11-14)

Even more interesting to me was the note in my Bible on this word.  The Hebrew word being used is shalom, meaning complete peace and well-being for a group of people.

I was profoundly impacted by the fact that their welfare, their peace, their future, their hope, was dependent on the welfare that they brought to Babylon.  They had to first bring blessing to the Gentiles before God would bring blessing to them. 

What if we brought this back?  What if our prosperity, wealth, health, future and hope was only as promising as it was for everyone in our community, how would that change things for you?  Would things look better?  Would things look worse?

The opportunity to bring peace, welfare and hope among our neighbors is endless.  I needed this reminder that this journey, this faith, it isn't about me.  Sure, it markets really well when we swing it that way, everyone wants to improve their life, ensuring the best for themselves and their families.  Evangelical churches today have gotten really good at selling the God of personal gain, but I feel God calling us back to be a people not concerned with our own welfare, but the welfare of our communities. 

This brings a sense of solidarity, of wholeness, of being one.  It allows us to see our neighbors as someone created in the image of God, regardless of their beliefs, culture or attitude.  God isn't just concerned about the welfare of Christians, he is concerned about the welfare of EVERYONE. Period.

This requires action.  This requires building bridges.  This requires relationships.

I recently read something by Brennan Manning in the book, A Glimpse of Jesus: The Stranger to Self-Hatred that has stuck with me.

Biblical compassion, combining heartfelt emotion with active relief for the suffering, transcends psychological personalism and privatized pity to enter into the very heart and mystery of God.  Clearminded, hard-hearted, and softhearted, Jesus revealed in his ministry of mercy the face of the compassionate God.

To be like Jesus requires us to act.  Thinking about the outcast, the widow, the poor and the powerless does nothing.  We are called to action.  

I challenge you today, just as I have challenged myself, to listen for the prompting of the Holy Spirit, listen for God calling you on a journey.  Listen for the opportunity to bring welfare and hope to someone who needs it desperately.  When the opportunity comes, accept it, trust it, go for it.  Dive heart first into the chance to enter into the heart and mystery of God, you won't be disappointed. 

Continue Reading...

God is Good, ALL THE TIME!

Wow.


It has been a day.


I'm still collecting my thoughts, and although so much of the day seems like a blur, there is so much good.


I really wasn't sure how today was going to go, I think you all know that.  But we had the fun added extra bag of nerves that comes with a 4 year old who was throwing up most of the night.  All I knew was that he kept waking up crying and James took care of him every time.  I asked James during the middle of the night if he knew what his deal was and he just said no, then when I woke up, he told me the truth.  So far he's the only one that has been impacted, so we're hoping it was something he ate.


I headed out the door at 6am and James drove me to the church where we were having a pre-race worship service.  We were waiting in a line of cars to turn when my stomach started doing some pretty terrible things so I bailed and found the nearest porta potty.....just in time. 


I got so many fantastic hugs and well wishes at the church.  I even got the chance to hug and meet up with a friend from high school who was also running (and she CRUSHED it by the way - Nice job J.B....I know it is J.S. know, but you'll always be J.B. to me).


Worship was fantastic.  One of my teammates delivered a fantastic message on Isaiah 40:31, it captured so much of why I felt God was calling me to run this and I was in tears, soaking it all in. 


After worship we headed over to our team photo opportunity, where I also got more great hugs.  After the photo it was time to drop our bags and get in line....even more hugs!  Seriously, Team World Vision is a life changer for me.  I don't think I've ever grown to love a group of people outside of my family more than I love all of my teammates.  While we were lined up, the same teammate who delivered the amazing message stopped to pray over me, it was much appreciated and needed.




After waiting around for a while, we were off.  The first 10 miles were easy and went by really quickly.  After that, things progressively went down hill.  Miles 11 through 19 are kind of a blur, but the spectators, they are amazing!  If you ever want to restore your faith in humanity, run a marathon, or spectate a marathon, complete strangers cheer REALLY hard for you.  At one point, I think it was around mile 11 or 12, I passed by a man who cheered really loud for me, and then when I got passed him, I could hear him telling the other people he was with that he was just so proud of me.  I've never met this man, he knew nothing at all about me, but to hear a complete stranger say he was proud of me made me cry big giant tears.


I was so excited to see my family at mile 16, I was starting to feel pretty rough at this point, so it was a treat to see all of their smiling faces. 

There is a great story behind this.  Earlier this spring, I read the DOs and DO NOTs of running a marathon by The Oatmeal.  I said I was gonna need someone to hold up a sign of Godzilla at mile 11 and my husband delivered.  Go read it, you'll laugh.

After crossing over the Franklin Bridge at mile 19, my quads started cramping really badly.  I honestly didn't know if I was going to make it, but I took some of my Margarita Cliff Shot Blocks (they are a gift from God) and it seemed to help a bit, but the cramps would come back every once in a while.  Miles 19 through 22 were really, really rough.  At mile 22, I saw a familiar face for the 3rd time.  My friend Kari asked if I was going to do this thing and I said, "I'm really not sure, my legs are cramping really bad."  She encouraged me to keep going and said a bunch of other really great things that I can't even remember anymore, but it was so incredibly needed in that moment.  Shortly after I passed by her, the cramps were gone and didn't return, and the song "Oceans" came on.....and I knew God was with me.


I kept looking at my watch and doing the math in my head to try to figure out if I could keep my pace going to get to the finish line in time.  With each mile marker that passed, it seemed possible, but only if I pushed myself really hard, which was getting increasingly harder with each step.  


When I turned the corner to start heading towards the really long hill to the finish line, I saw Bradley, the guy who leads Team World Vision - Twin Cities, running towards me.  He said - "You've got this, you're going to finish this thing."  I think I was too tired to really cry, but I was feeling all kinds of emotions at that moment.  Shortly after he joined me, I saw Scott, my team's coach, who just got done running 26.2 miles coming to join me as well.  Scott ran injured, so to have him come back and run me into the finish line filled me with overwhelming gratitude.  When you run with a team, it is about so much more than you finishing the race.  Both of these guys demonstrate Jesus' sacrificial love so perfectly, I'm lucky to know them.

Me and Scott Post Race

Eventually, I made my way down the hill and saw my family and every so slowly made my way across the finish line.  It was amazing.  At least as amazing as something can be when your legs don't want to work anymore and you have blisters the size of Paris on your feet.  (FYI, Thorlos, you suck!)

All I was looking for was to cross the finish line and not get booted off the course.  Done.

I got my medal, my snacks and made my way through the finish area to get my t-shirt and I saw some friends from the team and got some great hugs!  As I was on my way back to the Team World Vision tent, I saw my friend Sinead.  We got to share a quick, tearful hug after we both finished our first marathon.  It was beautiful.  Honestly, I think I would have thrown in the towel on this marathon thing so long ago if she wasn't encouraging me.  I think she believed stronger than I did that I would finish this thing, so it was so wonderful to see her. 


When I finally made it to the tent, I got even more hugs and eventually a piece of cake.  I got to take some pictures with my family and compose myself before making the journey back to the car.....just a few blocks is really far.


When I got back to the car, I turned my phone on and saw that I had a text.  I was speechless, shocked, in awe and just stared, crying.  Someone anonymously gave $500 towards my goal, water for 10 people!  If you gave this donation and you are reading this, YOU ARE A HERO, you put the icing on the cake for this day.  I just hobbled along for 26.2 miles, but you and all of the other donors made crossing that finish line and all the pain I was (and still am) feeling completely worth it. 

By the way - even though I'm at 100% and the race is done, you can still give!  You can still be a hero and change a life.


I know that the only way I was able to complete this was with all of the prayers and love that has been poured out on me over the past few weeks.  I know I'm not always great at giving it back, so please know that it was very much appreciated.  For every one of you that gave me a hug this weekend and said that you were praying for me or that you could relate to my story - THANK YOU!  I love you all! 


Finally, HOW AWESOME IS OUR GOD!!!!


Seriously, I think about all of the ways that he has guided me over the past 2 1/2 years.  I don't doubt for a second that he was preparing me for this day.  There are just way to many things that connect so perfectly.  Back in January 2012, I promised God that if he would help me battle my addiction to food and help me get healthy, that I would do it for His glory.  Today was all God, he orchestrated every last bit of this day and I will forever be grateful.  He has proved once again to be faithful, and my faith is so rock solid right now. 


So much more I could say, but I'll save it for another day.  Thank you all!

Continue Reading...

Unstoppable

Tomorrow is the day that has been on my mind since January.  Nine months I have waited for this day, just as I waited for each of my precious babies to be born. 


I wanted to write something super inspiring tonight, but my head isn't clear enough.  There are all kinds of thoughts swirling through it.  So I'll just reflect on a few things.


This morning, my husband ran the TC 5K, it was his first race and he did a great job, I'm super proud of him.

The finish line for the 5K is the same as the finish line I will cross tomorrow, so I found myself getting pretty emotional a few times.  I have crossed it once before, in 2012, when I did the TC 10K.

I remember when running 6.2 miles seemed impossible.  After training for a marathon, 6 miles is a "shorter" run.

I am feeling a lot of emotions right now, but I think the most prevalent is excitement.  I believe so strongly that God is working through all of this, I can't wait to see what he does tomorrow. 

I've been reading two books lately that I feel have really prepared my heart for the journey I will take tomorrow.  A Glimpse of Jesus: The Stranger to Self-Hatred by Brennan Manning and Unstoppable by Christine Caine.

I highlighted so much in both of them, but I wanted to share a few of the quotes that have been on my mind as I prepare for tomorrow.

"When a disciple's every response, word, and decision is motivated by compassion, he has "put on Christ" and walks in the way of integrity.  Biblically, compassion means action." - Brennan Manning

"When we learn to focus on who God is rather than on what we are not, we see that it is God who is working in us to do the very thing he has purposed to do in our lives.  As we learn to run the race, accept his batons, and submit to his training, God's work in and through us is always growing and increasing.  Christ in us becomes an unstoppable force in our lives and is spilled out into the lives of others."  Christine Caine

I couldn't think of more appropriate words for what the last nine months have been about.


I would still greatly appreciate your prayers.  Mostly for my mind to stay positive and my focus on God and why I am running.  My right hip, left foot and left knee are all still a bit achy and sore, so I'm hoping that any trouble they give me tomorrow can be pushed through.  Pray for our entire team, I have grown to love the people that I am running with, I am just as excited for them to run and finish tomorrow.  Pray for the people who are being blessed with the water we are running for, that they would feel the love behind it and know that they are valued and loved.  Pray that it would be so completely obvious that God is doing something big here.


If you want to track me tomorrow, you can sign up here: http://athletetracker.cloudapp.net/ - I am listed as Tamara Kasal.

Thank you all so much for following along on this journey.  I look forward to updating you on the race!

Continue Reading...