Curiosity of Generosity

I am, by nature, a curious individual.  I learn by dissecting things and putting them back together.  I need to understand how things work, or why I'm doing something before I can complete a task.  I research strange things on the internet.  Science education books and encyclopedias were my favorite books as a child.  

I'm particularly interested in understanding human nature.  What drives decisions our decisions?  Why do we act the way that we do?  Where do our personal preferences come from?  I am constantly trying to figure people out.  I listen, observe and try to understand.

I love all of this so much, that I wanted to make a career out of it and in college, had changed my major to Sociology for about a year and a half.  Then one semester I had to take a research methodology class that was mixed with graduate level students and my fear of failure got the best of me.  I couldn't fathom getting anything lower than a B, something I thought was imminent, and so for the first and only time in my college career, I dropped the class and instantly changed my major.  However, my desire to understand human beings has never gone away.

This week, I have been particularly interested in the success of the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.

The viral campaign that has taken over social networks and become a favorite of athletes, celebrities and more is actually helping. The "Ice Bucket Challenge," designed to raise awareness for Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, also known as ALS or Lou Gehrig’s disease, has now raised over $15.6 million from July 29 through August 18, the ALS Association tells NBC News in a written statement. That's compared to just $1.8 million in that same period in 2013. (NBC News.com)

That is A LOT of money!

You see, I'm currently training for a marathon with Team World Vision in effort to raise money to provide clean water, a basic necessity, for people who currently don't have access to it.  Since 2005, Team World Vision has raised around $5 million. (team.worldvision.org)   

This is fascinating to me.  All kinds of questions circle my head around the difference in the level of giving towards a campaign that raises awareness for people who most likely already have access to all of the basic necessities of life with the reality that there are mothers in Africa whose babies are dying because they don't have access to clean water.  

For me, doing what I can to provide access to clean water, a basic necessity, seems like a no brainer. I'm much more apt to give to an organization that has a proven track record of providing a solution to the #1 preventable cause of death on earth. (team.worldvision.org)  

  
(Image from team.world.vision.org)

Nearly 783 million people do not have access to safe water. (team.worldvision.org)

Contrast this with ALS.  Approximately 5,600 people in the U.S. are diagnosed with ALS each year.  As many as 30,000 Americans have the disease at any given time. (alsa.org)

I have a hard time understanding why so many people have been compelled to give to ALS, but aren't compelled to provide a basic necessity for someone else.

I'm not saying that anyone who gives to ALS or any other disease related charity is doing something wrong or bad.  Diseases are terrible, of course we want to research them and find ways to make things better.  I am simply trying to understand why so many more people are compelled to give in this way.

Is it because celebrities have gotten on board? 

Is it because you can challenge someone else?

Is it because you can share it on social media and show everyone how big your heart is?

Is it because someone you know and love has ALS?

I doubt I would be as curious about this if it wasn't for the simple fact that the very thing I'm passionate about providing, clean water, is being wasted in a challenge to raise money for another organization.  My guess is that most people who did the Ice Bucket Challenge wouldn't even find the water that many people in Africa drink, fit to dump over their heads.  So I may be a bit snarky, but it is out of sheer frustration that others aren't as passionate about providing clean water as I am, which leads to my curiosity.  

I would love to hear your thoughts.  If you participated in the Ice Bucket Challenge and gave money, would you please comment and help me understand what your motivating factor was?  What influences your generosity?  How do you decide which organizations you give to?

I'd love to know how I can help bring clean water to more people, so I'd love to hear your answers.

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Cheese: How I Knew I Wasn't OK

I started this post back in May, I never finished or hit publish because I had a hard time completing my thoughts and I was a bit nervous about how it would be received.  However, with all of the blogs, posts and thoughts I'm reading today related to suicide, depression and mental illness surrounding Robin Williams' tragic death, I wanted to add my experience to the mix.  So here it is.

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Cheese.

It was cheese that made me realize that I am not ok.

There I stood, in the middle of Target, staring at cheese for 5 minutes when the tears just started to pour down my face.

But it wasn't about the cheese.

It was about always having to make decisions, always having the answer to questions like, "Did you have anything planned for dinner tonight?"

I didn't.

I wandered the aisles of Target trying to find something that sounded appetizing and wouldn't require much effort on my part and yet still offered some kind of nutritional value and I came up empty.

So there I stood, staring at the cheese wondering what kind of cheese would be good for a grilled cheese sandwich because plain old American just wouldn't do, and I couldn't decide, I didn't want to decide. 

If I'm honest, the only thing I've wanted to do since March is crawl in my bed and sleep. Simply existing seems to require too much effort, and yet, I have to keep moving, there are too many little people depending on me.

For as long as I can remember, I've battled with feeling this way.  I go through periods of life where everything seems fine, some longer than others, but I always seem to end up back here, where I feel stuck inside of my own head.  I can see the world going on around me, I know how I want to react, but I can't seem to get out from behind my eyes.  I realize that this probably doesn't make any sense, but that is the only way to describe the way I feel most days.  I feel stuck behind my eyes and I hate it.

It would be easy to quit.  To give up and give in, to live underneath the covers, safe in my own little cocoon.  But I know that there is a better way.

So I fight.  I keep trying to find the joy.  I keep trying to find the way out of my head.  I force myself to get through the day.  I lace up my running shoes and move when standing still would be so much easier.  I take the little pink pill each night that allows me to get through the days without crying multiple times.  I continue to ask God for healing, I beg to just be able to experience the joy in my life, the joy that I know is there but I have a really hard time finding.     

I think, in our society, mental health is not regarded as highly as it should be.  People are afraid to discuss their issues, talking about mental health is taboo.  It shouldn't be this way.  There is too much at stake.  Lives are being lost, figuratively and literally.  

There is no shame in talking about it....at least there shouldn't be.  There is no shame in getting help.  

If you struggle with feeling like something isn't quite right, just know that you aren't alone.  It doesn't make you a bad person.  It doesn't mean that you aren't a good enough Christian.  It doesn't mean that YOU are broken, it just means that we live in a broken world. 

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Since I wrote this, I've come out of this fog a bit, but I am definitely still struggling.  I still have days where I have a hard time not crying at the drop of a hat (today would be one of them).  I still have a hard time doing all of the things that a normal grown up adult has to do.  I likely always will.

So much of what I read focuses on awareness and education, making sure people know what mental illness looks like, and while I think that is important, I don't think it is the answer.  Other people understanding what I'm dealing with isn't going to make what I’m dealing with any easier.  I know about cancer, I understand how horrible cancer is, but since I've never experienced it firsthand, I don't know the first thing about how it makes someone feel.  I don't know the struggles that they go through each day, in their head, that make every day tasks, like making dinner, a struggle. 

So instead of simply educating yourself, I'm going to offer another option, love.  The thing about depression is that the people who suffer from it are likely the last to ask for help.  One of my biggest struggles while dealing with depression  has been a complete lack of self worth.  I struggle daily with realizing that there are people out there that might actually give two craps about me, let alone love me.  So I'm probably not going to call someone up and let them know I'm having a bad day because I'm under the assumption that I'm a burden to everyone everywhere on planet earth (I know this isn't true, but this is what I tell myself).  Instead, I'm going to push though, brush away the tears and fake it for as long as I can until I can collapse into bed at night and do it all over again tomorrow. 

If you love someone who struggles with depression, you have to show them.  Words simply aren't enough because whatever you say to them is going to be overridden by the lies they tell themselves.  You have to get in their face with love and goodness of the authentic and unplanned kind.  Random notes to let them know you are thinking about them.  A text that wishes them well.  A spur of the moment invite to coffee (before they have time to analyze what it would look like and bail on you).

Whatever you do, do not tell them that they are unhealthy, they already know.  Do not tell them that they aren't worthy of being part of the body of Christ, they already feel that way. Do not tell them that they just need to find the joy, they are probably already trying.   

Yesterday I was reflecting on all of the conversations and healings that Jesus was a part of during his short time on this earth.  I thought it was beautiful how so many of the people he talked with or healed were completely unashamed to let him see who they really were, they put their struggles out in the open and he didn't love them any less because of it, at times, it seems like he loved them more.

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18, ESV)

If you are going to remind someone who struggles with depression of anything, remind them of that and then be Jesus for them.  Simply be near them to let them know that they aren't alone.  

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Seen

Last night, I had the incredible honor of sharing a little bit about how running has changed my life at the Team World Vision banquet.  We were preparing a team of runners to run the Minnesota Half Marathon this morning.  I didn't realize just how sad I would be that I wasn't able to be there at the race to cheer on these people I had spent the evening with.  My thoughts on God's Kingdom being present among the community of runners was once again validated by the amazing group of people that were there last night.  There is just something about being united with people who share the same vision as you do that makes me instantly love and care about them.  

If I'm honest, I feel like a bit of a creeper sometimes due to the level of emotion I feel towards people I hardly even know.  This has been a characteristic that I know is God given, but I don't always know what to do with it.  I am that person that can watch a person's body language or observe a conversation that people I don't know are having and end up in tears because of the pain or joy that is being experienced.

I have always been acutely aware of people that are overlooked or lonely.   For example, there is a man in his late 50's, early 60's that I see frequently in the cafe at our local Target store.  We've ended up chatting with him a few times, and he's always really great with the kids.  He is there almost every single time I go to Target after work, and every time he is either alone or making conversation with another family.  I think he goes there to not be so alone, to be seen, to feel a little less insignificant.  I've been so tempted to invite him over to dinner, or just sit down and chat with him for a while, but I'm always in a hurry or a little scared of what actually might happen; vulnerability scares me.  So instead, if I happen to see him, I just shed a few tears and imagine what his story might be, what brought a man to Target to find human interaction?

A while back, I was doing an online Bible study on the book of John.  The moderators would post the verses we were studying for the day along with some thoughts and then everyone else would leave their comments.  The day we dove into John 5, I realized that I see the world a bit differently than most, at least I did that day.

After this there was a feast of the Jews, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem.    Now there is in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate a pool, in Aramaic called Bethesda, which has five roofed colonnades.  In these lay a multitude of invalids—blind, lame, and paralyzed.  One man was there who had been an invalid for thirty-eight years.  When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been there a long time, he said to him,  “Do you want to be healed?”    The sick man answered him, “Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, and while I am going another steps down before me.”  Jesus said to him,  “Get up, take up your bed, and walk.”    And at once the man was healed, and he took up his bed and walked.  Now that day was the Sabbath. (John 5:1-9, ESV)

I read through comment after comment about this verse and no one had seen what I saw.  Everyone focused on what they believed to be an excuse - I have no one to put me in the pool.  Comment after comment was about how we need to be owners of our faith and take action, we can't wait around for someone else to do it for us.  But what I saw was completely opposite.  What I saw was a man who had been there for 38 years, who had tried to get to the pool, but every time he got close, someone else stepped down before him.  When I read it I just cried, I still have a hard time reading it without playing this out in my head.  He is essentially invisible as everyone else goes about their business and seeks what it is that they need, completely ignoring the fact that this guy just needed a little bit of help.  But the most beautiful thing is that Jesus saw him.  The single most important man in all of history was the one who finally took the time to help this man, and on the Sabbath no less.  Our God is a God who sees everyone.

This morning as I was on my way to the Dirty Girl Mud Run, I was reflecting on the banquet last night and the new things I learned about the realities of the lack of clean water in other countries.  I then realized just how stark of contrast life in America is compared to life in places like Africa and Haiti.

I was on my way to an event where we take the abundance of water we have and purposely make mud with it so that grown women can pay to play in it.  Yes, I had a great time, it was a lot of fun and I very much enjoyed having some time to chat with other women and have a rare kid free Saturday, but every time the conversation stopped and I had time alone with my thoughts, I kept going back to the injustice of it all.

I learned about a woman in Zambia who starts her day at 6 am by walking to retrieve water.  She returns home at 2pm.  That is an 8 hour day, just to get water that probably isn't all that safe to drink.  This same woman rarely has enough water left over to bathe her son, just enough to smooth over his skin.  This is all I could think about as I stood in a line of women, water flowing everywhere as we washed the mud that we purposely covered ourselves in, off of our bodies.

It isn't right.

I often wonder if these people sometimes feel like they aren't seen.  Do they feel like the man waiting by the pool being constantly overlooked as other people go about their business getting what they need?  What would they think if they knew that people in America make mud with their water because they have so much of it?

Bono said something once that has stuck with me for quite some time.

We can be the generation that no longer accepts that an accident of latitude determines whether a child lives or dies.  But will we be that generation? - Bono

Will we?

I believe with all of my heart that God is doing something amazing in this generation.  I feel like there is a huge movement going on in the church right now where He is tugging at people's hearts left and right and saying to them, "Hey, you know my son, Jesus?  That guy that died on the cross for you?  He did a lot of REALLY amazing things while he was alive, and I think it is time you start doing some of those things too."

I believe that God wants us to start seeing these people.  We can't use the excuse that we live here and they live there to not see them.  He wants us to see them and to help them.  

This is a woman in Kpalang village, Ghana.  This was the only water source for 600 people. (The Hole in Our Gospel, Richard Stearns.  Photo by Jon Warren/World Vision)   

Every time I look at this photo, I cry.  I don't know that it will ever stop impacting me.  I need the reminder to keep seeing.  I often get happy here in my own little world and forget.  But when you know, you know, and you can't shake that image.   

But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? (1 John 3:17, ESV)

The best news is that with Team World Vision, you can help make a difference.  Over the past 27 years, World Vision has provided 12 million people with clean water, but there are still many more who need it.  You can see them.  You can help them.  

Just $50 provides clean water for 1 person for an entire lifetime.  Will you help me reach my goal of providing clean water for 52 people?  I'm running 26.2 miles on October 5th (you can read more about that here) with the sole purpose of helping bring water to people who need it.  

Yes, I want to help!

Even if you can't donate right now, you can still make a difference by seeing.  You can always be mindful of people who need to be seen, who need a little bit of help.  Jesus took the time to do it, I think that we can take the time to do it too. (This reminder is just as much for me.)  I pray that I would never stop seeing and that God would continue to break my heart until there is no reason for it to be broken.

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