Here's the thing about training for a marathon, it is HARD. No one says, hey, let's go run 23 miles because that sounds like a lot of fun, but that is what I did today....well, let me be clear, I don't want to give anyone the impression that I am actually able to keep a running speed for 23 miles, I have a hard time doing that for 3 miles some days. Regardless, I jog/walked for 23 miles today.
A couple of weeks ago, I did a "long run" of 20 miles, which did not go well at all. I was talking smack to myself the entire time. I struggle so much with negative self talk, I say a lot of horrible things to myself. So during my last run, I found myself in tears more than once and I wanted to quit six miles in. But quitting isn't something I do easily. I decided I was going to finish those 20 miles even if it meant walking most of them, and that is what happened.
in case you don't believe me, here are a few pictures I took around mile eight as I stopped to pray and have a minor meltdown.
At least the scenery was nice.
Today, I was bound and determined not to let that happen again. I needed to have a solid long run, my longest training run, so I could head into the marathon feeling somewhat confident. I prayed so hard all week and all morning for a good run, and God really showed up for me today.
I was reminded at the end of a Team World Vision group run on Wednesday evening how much better running with a thankful heart goes for me, so that was my plan for today. The weather was PERFECT today for running. It was cool and cloudy, just the way I like it for a long run. Something I was already thankful for. I dropped the kiddos off and came back home to get ready and spend some more time in prayer before I headed out. I finally made it out the door around 8:30 or so and I was off.
I made a deal with myself today. Knowing that my GPS watch wouldn't last for my entire run, I knew I was going to have to use Run Keeper on my phone for part of the run. I decided that I was going to run as long as I could using just my watch, and leave my phone alone to preserve battery power, which meant no music. I knew I could get at least 17 miles in before my watch died, so my plan was 17 without music and then 6 with it. This was largely successful for me because it allowed me to keep praying for all kinds of things and when I wasn't praying, I ended up repeating the chorus of Overwhelmed by Big Daddy Weave in my head over and over. It helped keep my spirits up. I can't get enough of that song lately.
One of my prayers as I was running today is that God would help me keep my focus on why I'm running, help me not worry about pace at all but just run comfortably and to stay injury free. As I was praying and thanking God for a healthy, sturdy body with strong legs, the most strange and beautiful thing happened.
I was running along, thanking God for this body that has carried three large babies full term, for these legs that are strong and thick as small trees and lungs that just keep breathing, and then it hit me. My marathon journey isn't going to be anything like anyone else's marathon journey. No two people will have the same journey because no two people have the same story. I am much larger than the average marathon runner, both in height and weight, and my pace is going to show it and I'm going to be ok with that because this isn't about me running a marathon.
This is about kids getting clean water. This is about having complete trust that God is transforming me through this process. This is understanding that I am a new creation in Christ....seriously, I was the girl who cried the night before running the mile in gym class because I always came in last. (I drove by a boys soccer practice a few weeks ago and saw them lined up ready to run waiting for their coach to give them the signal and I still got sick to my stomach.) I was the girl who got cut from the volleyball team mid season because I sucked and wasn't making any progress. I was the girl who quit playing basketball because I couldn't handle always being the last one finishing line drills. Athletics and I don't have a great history, but here I am, training to voluntarily line up to run 26.2 miles.
As I got near the 12 mile mark, I started to get really tired, my feet were really hurting and my back was super tight. I stopped to fill my water bottle around mile 12.4 and glanced at my watch and looked at how long I had been running, a little over 3 hours. I had a little over 10 miles to go and it would likely take me just as long, but I had hope that I'd be able to keep a pretty consistent 15:00/mile pace, which is right where my training pace should be. I headed back feeling refreshed, like I could power through and finish this thing. I was running along on the new boardwalk trail at Keller Lake Regional Park and suddenly I found myself flying through the air. What goes up, must come down, and down I came, hard. I sat there for a minute, in the middle of the boardwalk trying to figure out what just happened and I realized that my toe caught a bowed board that sticks up a little bit higher than the others and that sent me flying. My knees and wrist, which broke my fall, hurt like crazy and my back that was already aching was now hurting worse.
 |
| My banged up knee |
I sat there for a while, and in about the span of 30 seconds went from crying in frustrating to laughing hysterically. You see, when I fell, my watch must have jammed into my hand on impact and buttons were pushed and the 12.5 miles I just ran vanished into thin air. No record of it whatsoever. I was angry and frustrated and then I heard that voice say, "I thought we just decided that pace doesn't matter?" Maybe I still need to work on that.
I dusted myself off, made sure to look around and verify that no one witnessed my fall, slowly got up and headed on my way, wind completely out of my sails. I restarted my watch but had a really hard time continuing to stay positive and thus, continuing to keep running. I decided I would get back on the trail towards home, which would bring me to about 17 miles. Those 4.5 miles were rough, but I made it through.
When I got back home, I contemplated stopping because I was just so tired and frustrated, but I decided to change my shoes and socks, grab the dog and head out to do 3 miles outside and then I'd reward myself with the final 3 on the treadmill where there is a bit more give. Lena and I ended up doing 4 miles, so I had 2 left on the treadmill. I had to use my phone to track mileage by this point, so the music was on! I learned today that when I'm delirious and my lungs are working overtime, I can sing really loud and it doesn't sound all that bad. I treated our neighborhood to a really nice version of Cemetery by Say Anything and Eavesdrop by The Civil Wars. Focusing on the music kept me going.
We finally made it home and I jumped on the treadmill to finish up the last two miles. Being able to pace myself correctly makes such a big difference. Even pacing is one thing that I haven't been very successful at figuring out in my 2.5 years of running.
When I finished, I headed upstairs to try and add together all of the pieces of my run since it ended up in fragments between my brain, my watch and my phone. Before I got to them, I saw that I had a really encouraging message from someone I went to high school with on Facebook, it was timed so perfectly. I then got back to the task at hand, added them all up, plugged it in and saw that it only took me a few more minutes than it took me to run 20 miles, which meant that my pace, although still not where I wanted it to be, was much better than last time. A pace that is still quite a bit shy of anything that will allow me to finish the marathon in the course time and allow me to stay on the course. The old me would decide at this point that nothing good could come of this and I should just bail right now, dignity in tact. The new me is continuing to trust that God is doing something here. As a friend reminded me on Wednesday after I was explaining that I had pretty much lost any hope of finishing, "You have Jesus, so you have hope."
I'm riding on faith, I left fear in the dust a really long time ago. I'm still not sure what God's plan is in all of this and I don't know what will happen on race day. It might be miraculous leg strength and endurance, and it might be allowing me to realize that I had the courage to try something that I NEVER though possible. Either way, people have access to clean water that they wouldn't have otherwise have.
So if I head home on October 5th with no medal and no official time, I am honestly going to be alright with it. My reward will be the laughter of kids drinking clean water, gardens growing food and lives being lived all because I was crazy enough to trust that God had a bigger and better plan for my life.
With all that being said, I need SO MUCH prayer to get me through this. I'd like to get people lined up to be praying for me for each mile of the marathon. So if you would be willing to pray before and day of, please throw down the miles you'd like to pray for in the comments. I might have specific requests for specific miles, so I'll connect with you on those.
Also, I am at 43% of my goal and I would really love to reach 100%, providing water for 52 people. We're down to 30 days here, so if you have been waiting, make today the day you give someone else the gift of clean water!
Thanks for listening to me ramble. I've been feeling like all this writing business is nonsense and not doing anyone any good, but every time I feel like throwing in the towel, someone tells me to keep going....so I will. Thanks for reading!
No comments:
Post a Comment